Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
