Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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