As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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