Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
