You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
