i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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