Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
