You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
