Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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