She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
