if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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