every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
