Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
