That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
