I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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