:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
