he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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