I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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