The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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