just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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