We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
FUCK WHALES
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