My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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