just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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