I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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