I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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