Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
