Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
