Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
