I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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