so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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