I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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