I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
