You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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