If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
