Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
from now on my penis is your penis
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
