I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
