yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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