well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
