just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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