hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
love makes seman taste better
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
