how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
