I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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