there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
