drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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