we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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