Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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