some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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