we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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