i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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