I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
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i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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