I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
