So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
