He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
