i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
