hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
