"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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