why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
