she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
