She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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